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Ah, the power of advertising.

There are probably several reasons I don't plan on buying a Mac anytime soon. I don't find their interface "intuitive" -- I find it kind of dumbed-down, juvenile, and sloppy. I don't want windows floating around willy-nilly, or fading in and out special-effectsily or dazzling me like a Twilight vampire. I like my white glassy iPod's white glassy look, but that's not really what I'm buying when I'm buying the product. I'm not buying a hip look or a trendy name, I don't want the Abercrombie & Fitch of the computing world. I'm buying a computer, and I want one that has an organizational scheme I feel is organized, not one that I feel was built for Alternative Education students at a private school where children are encouraged not to have "limitations" or what have you. I've seen that Simpsons episode where Bart puts his name on Martin's test and gets sent to the special genius school. He passes for a genius, but let's be honest, he's still Bart.

But all that's not the major reason I really don't want to buy a Mac, like ever. The major reason is the "I'm a PC. I'm a Mac." ad campaign, which is ever-so-gently, ever-so-sneakily sizist. Which pisses me off.


Mac Guy is young, casually dressed, hands in his pockets, sneakers on his feet, skinny, with ever-so-slightly bulging pectorals. Mac guy has unkempt hair. Mac guy doesn't always remember to shave, and sometimes experiments with facial hair. You want to be Mac guy, don't you?

PC Guy is much older. He's frumpily dressed, in a button-down and a blazer and khaki pants and shiny loafers. PC Guy wears glasses. PC Guy has a lame haircut. Where Mac Guy's unworriedly got his hands in his pockets, PC Guy looks awkward and has his hands nervously clenched. And where Mac Guy has a nice, slim shape with slightly concave curves on both sides, PC Guy is just a little bit convex.

Already, no one wants to be PC Guy, right?


Don't worry, because while Mac Guy forgets to do his laundry and sometimes wears the same outfit two days in a row, (but at least changed his t-shirt,) PC Guy's wardrobe doesn't just include business casual, it also includes business formal. NO ONE likes business formal. Here you can see not only that PC Guy has to wear lame-o business suits, he also has a round face, a chin that recedes backward into his neck just a little, and chubby little fingers.

But I guess we still weren't getting the point. Don't we know we're not supposed to want to be PC Guy?


Well, now we know. Now that Mac Guy's used all his new income to buy this hip Neo From The Matrix outfit for himself and get himself cleaned up for our sexy date, we're pretty sure he's who we want to take home.

Definitely not PC Guy, whose stomach's much more visible now that we've also made sure to turn him into an Emasculated Man by putting him in this patterned dress -- oops, I mean, this hospital gown. Check out those pasty shins! Check out those black dress socks! I'll bet Mac Guy has a sexy tan! I'll bet Mac Guy doesn't even NEED socks!!!

PC Guy's also a crybaby.

Skinny hot chicks want to date Mac Guy. Hairy crossdressers want to date PC Guy.

PC Guy is badly dressed. Mac Guy only wears blue or black, because Mac Guy is edgy. And Mac Guy got you a gift. Probably a better one than PC Guy got you, if he got you one at all.

But maybe you're still not getting it. Maybe if we make PC Guy a little fatter.
Mac Guy is now so skinny he could fit a whole leg between his two legs.
PC Guy is now almost as fat as jolly old Santa. His glasses are huge. No one wants PC Guy for Christmas.


Nothing needs to be said here.


.............so there you have it. This is why I'm not buying a Mac.

Fuck you, Macintosh.


( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 30th, 2009 12:00 am (UTC)
But PC is John Hodgeman! Hodgeman trumps Justin Long any day of the week!
Apr. 30th, 2009 12:57 am (UTC)
Apr. 30th, 2009 02:53 am (UTC)
PC is awesome. :) That is all.
Apr. 30th, 2009 03:16 am (UTC)
I always wanted to give the PC guy a hug more than the Mac guy. The Mac guy is always trying too hard in that "I'm not trying at all, honest" kind of way. The PC guy makes me think of family.

Which is beside the point because I was stuck with Macs all through high school and when I was over in England and that was enough to scare me away from them forever. Macs have always crashed on me twice as much as PCs!
Apr. 30th, 2009 02:55 pm (UTC)
For awhile Apple was thinking of dropping the commercials because so many people liked the PC guy better.
Apr. 30th, 2009 11:23 pm (UTC)
i may have sent this entry to a few people XD

i'm a pc, even if i'm working in the film industry where they definitely look down on you for it!
Jun. 5th, 2009 06:47 am (UTC)
I just don't get the comercial, if it is windows they are talking about, say windows, not PC.
But if PC is by definiton a Personal Computer (as they never say it is windows) then PC is hardware. (I guess could be a commodore 64 too)

Now given that PC hardware could be argued to be Intel CPU + video card + etc..

Now Mac is an operating system. (or even if it is complete "system" it is still on the same intel hardware ie PC)

So really PC should be laying on the ground, and Mac should be sitting on PC if you want truth in advertising.

So if PC is unstable and prone to crashing and getting viruses, then mac by virtue of running on PC hardware is susceptible to the same.

So to make this Advertising correct, it should be I'm Mac, I'm Windows (version blah), and I'm Linux, and they all should be sitting on the PC guy, like a bench seat.
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )

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